Despite causing a media stir, team insiders say Totto Wolf is secretly not bothered if Hamilton retires, because they have the best car, and that’s the only reason why the Knight won 6 driver championships at the Brackley outfit anyway. In fact, the reason outgoing Finn Valteri Bottas didn’t achieve the same results, is the team could never remember the Finnish for ‘Push the go pedal harder!’, and their Finglish would often get lost in translation.



Super keen and recent cub scout graduate George Russel not only impressed the team with his armfuls of badges (especially the IT Presentation badge), but his knack for following instructions e.g. turn this thing left and right, push that pedal. All the things you need to master in order to win in a Mercedes.



Due to the budget cap, to save on eye-watering recruitment fees (as well as long tedious disingenuous phone calls) from recruiters, HR are looking at an internal replacement should Sir Lewis not come back for driving duties. Trevor in hospitality has expressed interest in changing role, and currently doing a day’s experience in each departments around the office, so they’re considering giving him a try out in the staff car park. Sue in accounts is also looking like a good shout, as she’s known to frequent the gym most evenings after work, likes a driver in her BMW E30 convertible Auto, and so already well versed in two pedal driving. Given a race or two to learn where all the buttons are, she could easily be the next F1 world champion.