We can exclusively reveal why Red Bull have stayed out of the Pink-Mercedes saga, and that is the Red Bull senior team themselves have a secret car exchange programme with the Alpha Tauri junior team. As the cars are so similar nobody bothered to spot that Alex Albon has been driving Piere Gasly's car in Alpha Tauri colours, and vice versa. Pundits now suspect the scheme has actually been going on since last year, evidenced by all the strange results.

We caught up with an unusually unguarded and hammered Dr Helmut Marko in the Circuit de Catalunya paddock. "It's hilarious!", blurted the usually straight-laced Bond villain lookalike, while absolutely tanked to the gills on Sangria. "Ze kids have no idea I'm fucking wiz zem... they cry a bit to their mamas teat, and we just get ze next kid in... I think ve hav ze next one in a box ready.", he said staggering off the stool for another drink.

When speaking to Max about the revelation he was quite taken aback. "Wait what, you're saying I have a team-mate...? How long has that been going on... did they replace Danny Ric then?", before heading off to Christian Horner to ask about the work experience scheme kids.